Break Out of the Cycle of Hurting and Being Hurt by Guy Finley

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2017/11/12/break-cycle-hurting-hurt/

Haven’t we all held a wish at one time or another that the person who hurt us — as he did with that cruel remark or angry action — could know what we felt in that moment of their thoughtlessness? Somehow we just know that if this person could be present in our aching heart he would be more than just “sorry” because he would share our sorrow; and that out of this new order of relationship he could never and would never act so carelessly again.

Yet, for all of this higher self-understanding we think others should possess, we often fail to see our own spiritual poverty — how when we hurt someone with our own callous behavior we are unable to remember how much it hurt us to be on the receiving end of such scalding remarks.

Where is this compassionate understanding when we really need it? How do we forget so quickly to be the kind of person we blame others for not being when they turn on us? To reveal the true nature of this sudden form of spiritual amnesia requires some soul searching of a kind. We must try to see, through our mind’s eye, the workings of our own psychology in these moments where someone hurts us. To begin with, let’s collect a few honest facts about what is taking place on our side of the duel that characterizes any unpleasant encounter with someone else.

First we need to acknowledge that when someone acts thoughtlessly towards us, it is a similar thoughtlessness in us that responds. In other words, our own hostile reactions take no thought for anything outside of what they call into account for their suddenly heated existence — so that the only awareness we possess in these times is that low level of cognizance that possesses us, making us “entitled” to attack back! And with our own aching heart or pounding thoughts providing the fuel, we lash out! After all, it is our “right” to set the record straight.

But in these moments, if we could learn to step back from ourselves — to see and to be aware of ourselves as being but a cog in this ever-turning wheel of hurting and being hurt — there would follow a great and liberating self-revelation. We would see, clearly, that before we rise up and attempt to hurt someone who has hurt us, it is we who hold this hurt first. And if we realize the dynamic exposed here — how one hurt always gives rise to another one — then we should also be able to see that each of us is always the first to hold this unwanted pain.

Once we come aware to the fact that when we hate, we feel this hatred first in ourselves, our relationship with this darkness is done. The whole issue becomes as simple as this:

Hatred hurts us, not the person we blame for it. @guy_finley (Click to Tweet!)

To hold a wish to punish someone begins with the unconscious embrace of the very pain we wish to inflict. And with every pain the reactionary self hurls back at its adversary, all it does is condemn itself to continue cycling through the level of ignorance that produces this pain to begin with. So, with each blow this unconscious nature delivers, it just creates for itself the need for the next set of blows.

Let it stop now. From this moment forward, let it stop with you. Make it your intention to forever quit yourself from the turning of this invisible wheel-of-woe.

Each time we will consciously refuse to strike back in anger or act out some aggression toward the one who hurts us, we sow the seed of a new order of a conscious life. Now instead of being used by dark forces that grow at the expense of our soul’s development, it is we who use our endless differences with others to grow endlessly. And at the same time that we learn to rise above the pain of our own negative reactions, we create the possibility and opportunity for others around us to do the same.

Feeling Safe at Home During Times of Uncertainty and Change

https://karinsieger.com/feeling-safe-at-home-times-uncertainty-change/

Feeling safe at home is important, especially during times of uncertainty and seasonal change. Strengthening our soul connection to our home may not be easy, but can be done. How?

Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever your views, an uncertain world can impact you, too.

Feeling safe in an unsafe world

Political and social uncertainty can lead to heightened emotions of fear, panic, vulnerability, anger, hatred, hysteria and more. These emotions eat away at our energies and in themselves carry negative energy, which can cause depression and anxiety. Often we are left extra alert and unbalanced.

Feeling safe when seasonal change is happening

Changes in the seasons can also impact us in many ways:

  • Socially, because of a change in activities.
  • Relationally, because we may spend more or less time at home with relatives and friends, which can cause friction.
  • Physically because of a change in diet, room temperature, more flu bugs etc going around, which can impact our general health, weight, skin, digestion and more.
  • Financially with higher seasonal expenses.
  • Emotionally, if we are affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder), seasonal (including summer) depression, conflict in the home, loneliness, boredom, general dissatisfaction.

Feeling safe at home

When the prospect of spending more time at home during the dark and cold season is daunting, it is important to do something about it.

Could this be an opportunity for some positive changes at home?

Depending on your circumstances you may think this is wishful thinking and impossible to achieve. You may not feel well and have financial, physical, or emotional challenges in your life. Everything is just too much and too daunting.

Indeed, you may not feel safe or have no positive connection to our own home – the location and environment, the neighbours, the people you live with, loneliness at home, history and memories, or just the feeling of too much or too little space.

Nevertheless, and especially then, is it important for us and our home to feel part of and not separate from a greater context of life: especially the seasons, nature and life around us.

At a time of great vulnerability it may not be easy to step up and beyond our fear, grief, frustration and anger:

  • Our bodies and our homes may not feel safe and welcoming at all.
  • Not feeling safe at home can unsettle us in our ‘self’ down to ‘the core’, which some call  ‘soul’.
  • We may feel ‘homeless’ in our own home.
  • We may lose the soul connection to our home and to our self.

 

At such times we have to make a conscious effort to reclaim our home and our self, in our mind and in our heart.

What can you do to feel safer at home?

We all are connected at any given time to a world and life that is beyond our own immediate circumstances. To connect with that reality can make us feel stronger.

Reclaiming your home (c) KarinSieger.com

A few rituals and mindful changes in your home may help you reclaim, strengthen, and hold onto a connection between yourself and your home.

The following suggestions are just some examples and you may be inspired to come up with your own ideas, that fit in with your mood, reality, and lifestyle. Feeling safe at home is individual and unique to you.

  • Cleanse your home physically. We do spring cleaning and clearing out. Why not do the same to let go of the old and welcome the new season?
  • Cleanse your home spiritually. This can be done in many ways, depending on your preferences and beliefs with prayer, affirmations, sounds, dance, burning of incense and so much more.
  • Create a place of light, ideally a light that is left on all day and night (like a battery powered tea light which is safe and comparatively cheap). The light is symbolic of the connection of life between you and your home. The light welcomes you home and stays behind when you leave. It is a predictable constant.
  • Decorate at least one corner of your home with some seasonal offerings from nature. It does not need to be anything grand or expensive – a cone, a leaf, a branch, a chestnut etc. You can combine this with the light and again reinforce your sense of connection to nature, the seasons, life around and beyond you.
  • Welcome yourself and your troubled soul into your home. When we feel overwhelmed we need more space and less clutter.

Be in tune with the changing seasons

As you re-tune and recharge your home to the season and make it a welcoming space also pay attention to re-tuning yourself to the season when you are outdoors: noticing the colours, air, smells, temperatures and sounds.

We are absorbing stimuli and energy all of the time, some more or less helpful, some very toxic, some nurturing and healing. By recharging yourself you will automatically recharge the place you live in.

When others are not supportive

Depending on your living arrangements you may feel this all difficult to achieve. Especially, if others frown upon these suggestions.

These home coming rituals can be discreet, very personal and subtle. Your attitude and open heart matters more than gestures.

To keep feeling safe at home when the world is uncertain, we all need to work on affirming and stabilizing who we are.

It may not change the world the way we would like it to be, but it will help us to live more firmly in a changing world.

 

LOVE

It’s time for love. Now, more than ever, we need it. There’s always been a lot of crazy in the world, so it’s not that there’s so much more or even less, though I understand there is less suffering than in centuries past. More people are living longer, healthier lives, and then at the same time we humans are doing what we’ve always done to make life interesting – we create drama, some of which I find not all that much different than “Game of Thrones.”  No, I haven’t watched even one episode (I’ve seen the trailers), which I know means some of you will never speak to me again. And, yes, I’ve created my fair share of GoT drama.

But truth be told, when I turn my television on, I need something to make me laugh and take my mind off the seriousness of life I am continually confronted with on the daily.  Politics, part of that daily experience, are the current Reality Shows of today. Forget “Housewives of New Jersey,” for table flipping, just tune into Fox, CNN or MSNBC.  Doesn’t matter which narrative you feel called to follow, it’s looney. Okay, I might be a bit judge-y here, but please, somebody, pour a little kindness atop this whole nutty circus story. Ultimately, we’re all crafting our own unique narrative every day.  And there are any number of people who think my particular narrative is crazy and even downright un-something or other. And they could be right, or wrong, depending on which side of a particular belief system they’re sitting on.

We all get to choose the story of our lives that we’re crafting, and for me, love must be the central character of mine.

And I mean big love, the agape kind. I tend to think, believe actually, that love is the one main sacred force of the universe. Love is God (Insert your namesake). Martin Luther King, Jr. gave a sermon on love, a recording of which I heard not too long ago, where he breaks love down into three different categories. First, I love that Dr. King was talking about love in 1957, at such a necessary time for more love when the U.S. was just beginning to look at its deep prejudice towards black people in America. And, it seems we’re having to do the same thing again today, calling more love forward, with less than loving comments made by certain politicians about certain ethnic groups.

On November 17, 1957, Dr. King gave this sermon at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. He broke love down into three distinct categories – eros, philia, and agape. First, he said of Eros, that it’s “a sort of romantic love, though it’s a beautiful love.” He goes on to say the Greek language talks about Philia, a “sort of intimate love between personal friends.” And then the Greek word Agape, “This is the love above eros and phila. Agape is a love that seeks nothing in return.  It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of man.”

I remember being glued to my car radio when I heard Dr. King’s sermon. I felt it had hit the love nail right on the head because I had experienced these three types of love in my own life. Love of a super hot and super sweet man, love for my family, and then a higher love, if you will, of human kind and God. The one common denominator in these three types of loving is me. And if my heart is open or closed these three types of loving – eros, philia, and agape, will or will not flow.

So, if I’m not open to love I’m blocked, protected, or closed. Experiencing a lack of loving is an experience I know all too well. First and foremost, it creates a deep inner pain of longing, if we can admit to it, and if not expressed and fulfilled we find any number of substances to cover and or fill the void. A whole bag of organic blue corn tortilla chips with hummus works for me. Bottom line, we will get our needs met on one level or another.  And for some, this lack of loving will create an internal revolt resulting in anger, hatred, revenge, and actions which bring most of us to our knees and to the doors of heaven to question our faith in human kind. A lack of loving can be catastrophic.

Heart blockages are painful on many levels, and it takes strength to love and to be open to love. Sometimes we think we’re loving, but our love has conditions to it. You behave in this way and I’ll love you. You buy me this gift and I’ll love you. You get good grades and I’ll love you. You behave or even believe in this way and you will be loved and accepted. We all know these scenarios. The conditions are often spoken in the name of God. But conditional loving in not really loving at all, it’s expectation laden with judgment – quite the opposite of loving.

We’ve all experienced conditional love, but conditions don’t support true love or us in opening up our hearts.Opening our hearts is an act of great vulnerability and of great courage. It takes real balls to open your heart and love another, but the rewards are beyond measure, beauty and joy.

And it’s so easy to choose another focus for my energy and personal narrative. I can choose to judge, and have so many times, another person or situation, or most of all, myself. To be loving, to speak loving words, to be considerate or empathic, requires great courage in the face of the easier, more sarcastic response. Love is a choice. What are you choosing in each moment to participate in? What are you putting out into the world? Is it love, or is it not love? For some, it’s simply walking past someone in need. For other’s it’s condemning a particular person for their skin color, their sexual orientation, their gender, nationality, or their religion. See how tricky this gets?

Beautiful lyrics by Hal David, with music by Burt Bacharach, written in 1965.  I love the Dionne Warwick version of “What the World Needs Now Is Love,” and Sara Bareilles’ version is epic.

I don’t know about you, but every day, in every conversation, every email, every text, every Facebook post, every Tweet on Twitter, I think about how my words will affect the person reading or hearing or seeing what I put out into the world. This is my world. I claim it as mine. And I share this great world with all of you. And I’m doing my part to make this place we call home just a little bit better, and a little bit brighter.  Whatever anyone else chooses to do is their choice. What are you choosing? Are you choosing love? Are your actions, your words, your posts loving? Do they carry the energy of love with them – Agape? Don’t kid yourself by thinking you make no difference, or what you think and put out into the world has no effect. It does. Every thought we think, every word we write and say is like a rock thrown into the pond. It has a ripple effect that goes on and on touching everyone it comes in contact with.

It’s time for love. But you will have to choose it. Some will not. Some will hesitate. When you do choose it, it will require your courage, take one hundred percent responsibility, and great care. Love your children, love your parents, love your partner, love your friends, love your community, love your place of worship, love your God, and don’t forget to love yourself. Just remember not to not love others in the process when they love something or someone that looks just a bit different than you. God gave us our differences, like colors, and it’s why our world is as vivid and alive as it is, but ultimately, it’s love that brings these colors together in the richest of tapestries. Love creates vibrancy in our world, and it’s love that has the power to change all, make better, and free us to create the narrative of our lives placed in our hearts at birth. Live with love. The world needs us.

 Barry Alden Clark has coached thousands of individuals in connecting more deeply with their hearts, their life purpose, and helped create a pathway for these folks to move forward in a direction more aligned with who they truly are. 

How To Make Your Life A Masterpiece

By Andreas Jones

Your life is the greatest masterpiece you can ever create. But to do this, you must first design it. How? You must have a vision of or image of what it looks like. Once you have a vision and design it then you can begin the process of building it.

The questions below can guide you with your design:

  • How do you classify your life when you are at your healthiest, strongest, and best
  • How can you relate your family situation with your pursuits in success?
  • What matters to you most in life?
  • What priorities drive you each day?
  • What makes you come alive?
  • What are you born to do?
  • What are you doing to live and share your purpose?
  • How do you want to describe your experience in life when you look back into it?
  • How do you want to feel?
  • What will you have wanted to accomplish?
  • What legacy will you have left?

These questions are necessary because some people might believe they are building their masterpiece, but rather they are building a piece of junk.

For some the answers to these questions may lead them to a new career because they try to meditate on them. However, for most, it’s simply a great change that will align your life with the vision and design you have for it. For example, you may need to exercise more and eat healthier to create your masterpiece. Or perhaps you may need to spend more time with your family because your masterpiece includes great relationships with your kids. Or you might realize that you are not spending enough time on your priorities and therefore your masterpiece is not developing as it should.

Whatever your masterpiece looks like, your design will help you see what you need to do, or stop doing, to create it. It’s a great effort when someone stops trying to create someone else’s masterpiece and instead focuses on designing and creating the masterpiece they’re meant to build.

Furthermore, it’s good to stay positive as you move from the design stage to the building stage because there would surely be challenges to be faced during the building stage. So, always remember that negative thoughts cannot solve anything but rather destroy it.

Be flexible and adaptable through the process. It’s okay for your plans to change, especially when your plans must give way to the ultimate creator’s master plan.

In conclusion, be sure to choose the right habits because that would affect who you are and your plans for each day .Your habits will transform your design, vision and plans into the masterpiece of your life.

Today, you have the opportunity to transcend from a disempowered mindset of existence to an empowered reality of purpose-driven living.

Today is a new day that has been handed to you for shaping. You have the tools, now get out there and create a masterpiece.

Do You Love Yourself Enough?

Stay Strong Self-Love

Staying strong + true to yourself from the inside out.

A product of the high achieving, you can do anything culture, educational and corporate system, I was trained to believe that if I had self-esteem – self-confidence, belief in myself – that I would be successful, happy and prepared to meet and thrive through any challenge that came my way.

Good intention. But not true. In fact, this sole focus on self-esteem almost cost me – and many women I know – my happiness, a true partnership, my health and living my true calling.

Self-esteem while essential is only 1/10th of the inner foundation needed to stay true to ourselves, trust ourselves, and take care ourselves, no matter what.

Even if you have strong self-esteem, without strong:

  • self-care… you will exhaust yourself, burn yourself out and give more to others or your work and as a result diminish your power, presence and health.
  • self-compassion… you’ll achieve lots but never feel like you are doing enough or well enough, you’ll focus on what you haven’t yet done vs. receiving the fruits of all your labor and love.
  • self-respect… you’ll be a rockstar at work and a disaster in your relationships, and instead of being a source of support, your relationships, or lack of them will drain your power and life force.
  • self-trust… you’ll settle and play it safe, be swayed by other people’s opinions, make self-sabotaging choices, and feel disconnected from your core self because you lack a strong connection to your inner wisdom as your guidance system.

What we really need – beyond just self-esteem – is a strong foundation of self-love that also includes self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-expression, self-empowerment, self-pleasure as well as the four kinds of self-love listed above – which together complete what I call the “10 branches of self-love.

We need all 10 branches to be strong so that we have the strength to meet the challenges ahead, make the choices that keep us true to ourselves, including making sure we are receiving what we need.

In today’s world, we need to be strong on the INSIDE to be able to weather the intensity and chaos happening on the outside without getting swept into the swirl.

The problem is that most of us don’t really know what self-love is. It can feel so vast, esoteric and like a good idea but maybe something we should keep under wraps.

Self-love can feel selfish and insignificant in a time when the world faces so much turmoil and uncertainty and so many serious issues are at hand.

But I would offer that self-love is one of the medicines and practices we need more than ever in times like these.  And that we need it not in the ‘love yourself’ rah-rah generic platitude kind of way… but in real, practical ways that allow us to assess where our foundation and connection to self are weak so we can shore up our strength from the inside out.

I see so many girls who have been given the self-esteem message – yet they still beat themselves up for not being perfect or good enough, they still give their bodies to men in ways that make them not feel good about themselves, and they still doubt that inner wisdom voice within and make choices that limit their power, hold back their voice and sometimes even alter their lives forever.

I see so many women who are successful in their work life but feel like they aren’t living their true purpose or doing meaningful work, women who sacrifice their health over and over again to take care of their families and careers, women who are silenced, stuck and settling because inner fear instead of inner love is running their internal operating system.

Self-love isn’t something I knew I needed until I realized I didn’t even know what it is … and once I found it, I realized that part of the power we are missing as women and girls stems from not knowing how to assess, activate and practice self-love.

What I learned is that Self Love is a path, a practice, and a choice.

There are real, practical and powerful ways to assess where your self-love foundation is strong and weak, and then practices and tools to put to use in your day to day life to stay strong from the inside out.

I founded the international self-love movement, which every year hosts Self Love Day on February 13th and The Path of Self Love School which has taught over 35,000 people.

Every year we choose a “Self Love Mantra” + people take Self Love Promises to support them to stay true to themselves, trust themselves, and take care of themselves.

This year our mantra is STAY STRONG… not like a machine, martyr or macho bully, but in the true sense of feminine power.

Here’s the mantra, I share it with you now with the invitation to write it out, put it in your journal, make a piece of art with it, and then practice it this year. In the moments you feel lost, lonely, depleted, defeated, frustrated, confused, come back to it, come back to yourself and let Wisdom guide you forward on your Path supported by the practice of self-love.

S.T.R.O.N.G.

S – Speak your truth + stay connected

T – Trust yourself

R – Rest + Replenish

O – Own your power + play your part

N – Nourish your heart & soul desires

G – Give & Receive

To find out where you are weak and strong in self-love – you can take the free self-love quiz at www.SelfLoveQuiz.com.

To receive a recording of the STAY STRONG Self Love Day feminine super power session with Christine Arylo go to www.SelfLoveDay.com.


Christine Arylo, m.b.a., is an inspirational catalyst, transformational teacher and best-selling self-love author who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the life their souls crave. The popular author of the go-to book on relationships Choosing ME before WE and the self-love handbook, Madly in Love with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and her newest Reform Your Inner Mean Girl. She’s affectionately known as the “Queen of Self-Love” for her groundbreaking work in self-love, including founding the international day of self-love on Feb 13th. Arylo is the co-founder of the self-love and empowerment school for women, Inner Mean Girl Reform School.  You can follow here on Twitter, FB or visit her sites here & here