Monthly Archives: May 2016

It’s Okay to be Afraid

Whenever change presents itself in your life you might be afraid and that’s okay.

Afraid is defined as:

  • feeling fear or anxiety; frightened
  • worried that something undesirable will occur or be done
  • unwilling or reluctant to do something for fear of the consequences

When I was little I was afraid of everything. Well, most things. I don’t know where it came from but it was there; all the time. I’ve always hated change and fought it tooth and nail. The thing about me is while I was afraid a lot when I was a kid I constantly put myself in situations that forced me to move through the fear. Like playing softball and being in right field praying for the ball not to come to me. The ball would hit the bat, make its way to me like a heat seeking missile and plop right behind me with my hand still in the air waiting for it to land in my mitt. Mortification aside I didn’t die. I made it through the fear.

I kept doing things that scared me. At the time, I didn’t realize how powerful that never-ending-get-up-and-brush yourself-off attitude was. I just kept on moving forward and through fear. I eventually realized that change and the fear that accompanies it is just part of the process.

A few years ago, after my sister passed away I was seeing a grief counselor and she would say to me in various ways: ‘What are you going to do? She is not coming back. It is what it is.’ She was right: It was what it was. And fighting that truth only lead to more anxiety.

On vacation in Rhode Island, I found a talisman in the form of a bracelet with a charm that says what else: It is what it is. I wear it almost every day. I’ve fully absorbed it into my spirit. Five simple, powerful words that let me know it is okay to be afraid. I’ve added the part about it being okay as long as I move through it to the other side. These five words have also helped lead me to a place of acceptance; some days they work some days they don’t and that is okay. So many things are okay.

Accept that fear will come. Trust that you will figure out how to get over it; either by figuring it out or by finding a guide to help you along the way. Know that the fear will never go away because it is part of the process.

It’s okay to be afraid.

(c) Valerie Lee 2016

Charm It is what it is



Be You!

Be You!

In a world that tells people what they should look like, how they should act, and what they should do; it is revolutionary when you do you. You gotta do it, this thing called life, your way. Listen to your heart, soul, and spirit. Follow your dreams and desires. Wear that outfit you always wanted to. Dye your hair ‘that’ color. Take a vacation by yourself. Stop going to the club since you were never a partier. Find out what you really like and do it.  Take that acting class. Write that poem. Surf that wave. Write that novel. Do it. Do you. Find comfort in your own skin with your own company.

(c) Valerie Lee 2016

Do You Urban Livin


Don’t Believe the Hype

I am not traditionally employed so I am at home during the day, which means I see a lot of television. Most of the time the TV is just on and sometimes I am goofing off channel surf. But I digress.

The one thing that is consistent is the airwaves are full of commercials on how women can improve themselves. How to fill those laugh lines, those crow’s feet, that droopy neck, etc. It is horrible how badly women are made to feel about themselves. Not one mention that men could use these products too.

Love yourself Women – Don’t believe the hype that something is wrong with you. Imagine if women woke up tomorrow feeling good about themselves so many companies would go out of business.

(c) Valerie Lee 2016

dove women2


Know Your Value

Know your value in both your work and personal life. This post is about monetizing your skills. Whatever talent or expertise you possess, make it work for you. Let your abilities make money for you and build your reputation. Never undersell or give a discount. You will be tempted but you must fight the urge.

I write and create resumes, business plans, and speeches as a side gig and when I first started my business people accepted my stated fees and I was delightfully spoiled by those initial responses. Then I did a job for a client at a discounted rate because they were having a hard time financially; it was never requested of me I just did it. I completed the job got paid the discounted rate and moved along.

Then a few months later the person returned for another job and requested my fee, which I told them and they replied with a very curt thank you and hung up. I haven’t heard from them since then.  I have to say I was shocked because I’d already done them a solid and they knew that I’d done them one. I guess they expected the same break. Nah not going to happen and why would they expect it? Then I said to myself: ‘Why wouldn’t they expect it? I’d lowered my price once.’

I promised myself that would never happen again. I would rather miss out on a job than underpay myself again. I do topnotch work and deserve to be paid what the market will bear.

Figure out your value, price it, stick with it and deliver the best possible product.

(c) Valerie Lee 2016