I Don’t Meditate

To meditate, as per Merriam-Webster dictionary is to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness

I want to be that chick who revels in having a meditation practice. I want to celebrate the silence. I want to be the chick who is a world champ at swatting away the random thoughts that float through my head like those eye thingies that suddenly appear and make you think you are seeing things. I want to find energy and joy from OM-ing. But I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, and I don’t. I’ve finally realized and accepted what type of chick I am.

Self-acceptance is good for the soul. I just wish the road that gets us there wasn’t filled with sad and painful events. That whole ‘you can only appreciate the sun if you’ve been through a storm’ is effing true. It seems those events that shake, rattle, and roll over us are the ones that bust us open so we can ask those life altering questions and make changes.

Backstory: As a kid I was the intuitive, natural worrier in the family and I attended bible study classes that filled me with fear that I would be left behind when the rapture occurred. When you add worrying and fear together you get a child who was always making sure I was grateful, which is a good thing, but not if you are doing it to hold off bad things from happening. Talk about canceling each other out.

Life has taught me that all the gratitude in the world does not inoculate you from pain and suffering so that false belief is gone because as a cancer survivor whose had three relapses, a sister that was diagnosed & died from a rare cancer; I’ve seen ‘good & grateful’ people be afflicted by depression, hopelessness, and disease. But witnessing and experiencing some gray and cloudy days has not stolen my optimism or hopefulness. And meditation was not the path I took.

Each event that has broken my heart has also crystallized what is important to me, what I will put up with (not much), and where I put my energy. So while I do not meditate I do relax and release by doing the things that make me feel good, reduce my stress, and just plain make me smile.

I am the chick who laughs out loud, travels, writes, watches Murder She Wrote (I do not lie to you – lol), speak out loud to my God, listens to music when I feel myself waning in energy, takes naps (yes I said take naps), get restorative massages, spend time with children, encourage others, and loves my tribe (bio & chosen); that’s how I get to a place of mental clarity and an emotionally calm state. I almost forgot I do OM because I love the vibration in my body.

If you meditate and love it keep doing that! But if you are forcing yourself to do what others are doing then stop that shit and figure out works for you. Being true to you is the best way to finding calmness and clarity.

Black woman meditation1

 

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